Waiting and it Being Totally Worth It!

The wait was tough. Falling was tough. The fight against sin was tough... BUT it was all worth it to enjoy sex in marriage!

Jose and I have been tempted by sexual sin way too often than we are comfortable sharing, but we also know it is necessary for our transformation and hopefully helping others as well. We both have sinned against God- pre marriage with sexual sin. Finding healing and peace in Christ has been some of the best joys. We have been spiritually, emotionally, and physically challenged to trust in the Lord to save us from our chains.

We waited until we were married to consummate. It is glorious. It is fun. It is imperfect yet the best. It is funny. It is beautiful. It is special. It is meaningful. It is sweet. It is loving. It is God glorifying.

Jose and I struggled really hard in the beginning, lusting after one another and having a lack of self control. It was condemning and never fulfilled our needs. We learned about six months in after we began dating how to confess sin. We learned our lack of confession showed a rebellious heart against God and wanting to keep our sin in the dark. Learning how to confess was one of the most freeing things I've learned. I had a group of faithful sisters who showed me grace and pointed me to the gospel every time. They would rebuke me but also point me the sweet taste of freedom with trusting Jesus. We slowly got better and the closer it got to the wedding we had more control to keep our hearts from wandering into lust. :D

In the short short time I have been married, I've been able to see how to make much of God during sex. It was absolutely worth the wait. It was worth it because I got to enjoy it with my husband being the way God designed it.

Ill go into our last counselling session that was all about sex of things that stuck out to me.

Ït's our duty to enjoy marital sex
Passionate. Intimate. Celebration. Cherish. Satisfy. Received with thanksgiving. Sex is Good. On pgs 76-77, Chester writes that "God is designed by God to complete of fulfill or bind together the companionship of marriage."... I love that its at the deepest of levels. We are able to be vulnerable with one another, embracing one another in our nakedness like God embraces His people.

Good sex begins long before you take your clothes off
I loved this chapter the most! More words to describe sex are affectionate, gentle, sacrificial, personal. We give ourselves to our spouse. On pg 83"we make love throughout the day through little act sand words of service." Every communication shows how we value one another. Treasure one another. Serve each other. If it is all about performance- it is damaging rather than loving. We must learn to be humble- to grow as a better lover and serve our spouse and King Jesus.

We get sex wrong because we get God wrong
If we idolize sex more than our spouse then that is a sin and a broken allegiance to God. Dont objectify your spouse- making them a means to have sex or putting my pleasure before Jose's, or having an obsession with spontaneity. Find pleasure in giving pleasure.

Love finds us beautiful and love makes us beautiful
"Our partner cannot possibly hope to measure up to the expectation created in the media" pg 92 Be captivated with your spouse, enjoy them. This is where I need work- to accept I am beautiful in my spouse rather than measuring myself to false images. Inward. Precious. Unfading. This is our Jesus loves His people.

I am continuing to learn how to enjoy Jose, sex, and my Lord in all of it. It has been the most challenging and lovely experience. I am excited how God will grow us through this sweet gift.

5 Ways to Pray for our Wedding/Marriage

1. Pray for our wedding to be hardly about us, but ALL about Jesus.
We are excited to portray the beautiful picture of Jesus's love for His people. Pray us to not be anal, impatient, or angry throughout this week with the many details, questions, and other hooplah. Pray were serving one another rather than serving our selfish ambitions. Pray that we honor God in our words and actions at this wedding and that we are a testimony of God's grace in our lives. Without Him, we can do nothing. We are able to enjoy the gift and meaning of marriage because of Jesus.

2. Pray for my fellow brothers and sisters to be strengthened in the gospel.
For marriages to grow in forgiveness, grace, sacrifice, love and grow in utter dependence on Christ. Pray for those in dating relationships to be encouraged by the forming of the covenant between husband and wife, to pursue holiness, and to build godly character. Pray for our sweet single brothers and sisters to serve the Lord, be patiently prayerful for a spouse, and to seek a greater joy in Christ above all else.

3. Pray for non Christians celebrating and gathering with us for their final salvation.
You could pray for seeds to be planted through the gospel message this Saturday.... Or pray for family and friends to right then and there to begin repenting from their rebellion against God and their sin and to believe the good news. Pray for Family and friends alike, who are coming from all sorts of paths in this lifetime to come to saving faith in Christ alone. Pray for ears to hear, and eyes to be opened. Faith comes by hearing. Let faith come on Saturday.

4. Pray for our upcoming marriage.
Pray for Jose to love, sacrifice, and lead while I submit, am gentle, and am teachable. Pray for us to savor our Lord Jesus always. We need so much prayer- to fight well when disagree, to reconcile quickly and grow in sanctification. Pray that we grow more godly and sharpen one another in the bible. Pray our pride is constantly being killed and we remember we are not enemies. Pray that we remind one another of how good God is, the gospel, forgiveness, and grace. Pray we are growing in the knowledge and grace of Christ

5. Pray for us to make disciples and followers of Jesus.
Pray for us to be intentional with meeting our neighbors and community- serve them in any way possible, invite them over for dinner, and to hang out and go to church. To really live life on life in a gospel centered way, and encourage others who God in all sovereignty places in our lives. Pray for us not to be an introverted marriage- but a marriage who bold for the gospel. Ill stick these last two in too...1. pray for us to be able to have children- and that we are being prepared to raise kids in gospel centered parenting, teaching, and loving :D 2. Pray for us to listen carefully for God's call for us to go overseas to evangelize and church plant :) - and not overseas to Hawaii Mr. Jose!

Thanks everyone<3 Grace and peace!

Pre-Marital Counseling - Sessions 2&3

Jose is finally on summer vacation which means I get my laptop back to blog a little more!

Weve had two marriage counseling sessions since I last blogged and its been AWESOME. Jose and I have also fought since that time so its been great to put things were learning into gospel centered reconciliation! Here are a couple of sweet truths I have been learning from reading this book and from PJ and Frances. Pray for us to grow in these areas!

Marriage is an illustration of the relationship of Christ to His people.
God invented marriage to show us how he loves us!"(pg 12)"A husband and wife are covenanted to one another. A lot of my encouragement came from (pg 14). A covenant is a contract with love. The covenant protects love. Lean on the covenant. It gives marriage its framework, context, and protection. It is an echo of God's faithfulness to us. There is a binding promise and loving relationship. We are called to not keep "feeling in love"but to keep "being in love." This was really really comforting for me! When I am unlovable, impossible, stubborn, and bratty- my husband is called to still love me through our covenant.

The purpose of marriage is companionship and partnership in mission
(pg 19) says our greatest need is to love God and to love others. Our task in (pg 20) is to reflect God's glory in the world as His image. There is a partnership of service where Christ is the focus. Knowing this I can grow in knowing how to serve God together at our local church, in our new home, and elsewhere! I also have opportunities to support Jose's service of God whether he is in school, at his job, church, bearing his burdens, praying for him and engaging him in conversation to encourage him.

Find your identity and joy in God rather than in marriage.
Knowing that there will be good and bad times, I have to remember that tough times will bind Jose and me closer together. But our marriage is a display of what is to come. It points to the the marriage of Jesus to His bride in the new Heavens and new earth. What a beautiful illustration. What a love. (pg 100) really hits home in many areas. I am reminded on that I will need to keep working at our marriage, protect it and stick with it! But by all means, it is not ultimate- neither is our spouse or the intimacy. God truly completes, satisfies, and completes us. We were made to know God and enjoy him. To put such high expectations on a person is unrealistic and unfair. Once there is contentment and identity in God, then I will be able to freely enjoy my spouse. :) Please please please friends and family, constantly remind me of this!

Marriage demonstrates that it is good to live under God's reign
We have been deceived by Satn that God's rule is oppressive and manipulative, but REALLY it is a rule of blessing, freedom, love, life, justie and peace. I pray that others will see our marriage and see IT IS GOOD TO LIVE UNDER GOD'S RULE AND REIGN!!!! Reading (pg 25) was a boom moment in my head. His rule was demonstrated oh so perfectly when His Son Jesus died on the cross in my place to bring me freedom from my slavery to sin, self and death! The most perfect example of submission and authority is looking at the Trinity. Jose and I must always remember the Trinity, It must come out of love and sacrifice rather than tyrannical, passive, rejection, and self willed. In practice on (pg 26) he writes "the wife puts her husband's will before her own and the husband puts his wife's interests before his own." Jose will try his best to seek my interests before his own, but I will follow his will and decisions! Please pray for me that I am able to submit to Jose like I ought to Jesus with joy and freedom and not with whining, complaining, nagging, or begrudgingly.

Wives put their husband's will before their own, like the church submits to Christ
Submission does not mean silence nor slavery. It is having a gentle and quiet spirit with a respectful and pure conduct. I enjoyed reading the reminders of what submission was NOT. It is NOT agreeing with everything my husband says, or trying to change him, getting my spiritual strength from him, or acting out of fear. No no no, submission is (pg 32) reinforced with gospel conviction, challenging one another, and speaking truth in love for the sake of Christ and His glory AND for the sake of our spouses and their holiness. He is definitely imperfect and will make mistakes but I am to submit with joy! My allegiance is to Jesus always!!! Pray for me to grow in godly and biblical submission.

As Christ loves the church, husbands put their wife's interests before their own
I LOVED THIS. This spoke right into what I desire in a husband! (pg 37-38) specifically just got me. Having a proactive plan would bless me. Take time to study your wife, to understand her interests. Actively pursue the things that will help your wife blossom and grow. Put her holiness before her happiness. Help her become more like Jesus. To become holy and blameless. Work to become sacrificial, serving, and selfless. Take responsibility to resolve conflict, make decisions in a godly manner, disciple and teach the children. MAN, seriously all beautiful good things. I must PRAY PRAY PRAY this for my husband.

Pre-Marital Counseling- Session 1

Jose and I had our first marriage counseling sesh yesterday! Our pastor PJ and his wife- a great sister to me- Frances will be counseling us through 6 sessions. They both are truly a gift from the Lord. We are VERY thankful for these two and we hope and pray our relationship with them will last throughout our marriage! PJ has been my pastor for around 2 years and has been Jose's pastor a little longer than that. We have built a community of trust, transparency, love, and most of all GRACE with one another so we are absolutely comfortable and willing to share :D

This first conversation was an introduction- a little background for each of us. We covered a multitude of things. The ones that stuck out to me included...

1. Family history, relationship with our moms and dads and also with each other's parents. Expectations of one another because of our parents. 

2. Strenths and weakness of our relationship- we were edified when we heard the strengths and laughed when we heard the weaknesses. We dont laugh so much when we fight but we want to grow!!! We love practicing gospel centered reconciliation.

3. Sexual relationships- this one is hard. This included pornography, sex before marriage, etc...

4. Finances. This one can be tricky and were taking the time to see our hearts that we do not hold on too tightly to the ""American dream"" or both of us working to be comfortable. We want Jose to be able to provide. I, although willing to work, want to be a stay at home mama! 

5. Defining love. Putting the other's preferences above your own IN CHRIST! 

 I knew we would tackle more into these topics in our meetings to come. A really encouraging part of the night was picking out possible scriptures that would be preached at our ceremony. We are so excited for our family and friends to hear the gospel. We are more excited about this than anything else at the wedding! What was really humbling was being reminded that this wedding isnt about being unique or better, or about it being "our day" or "all about jose and myself". It really is about Jesus and also about us becoming one and us joining many many others who are married. It is about celebrating what is common. This good gift of marriage is a wonderful gift from God and we ought to rejoice that we like many others are in a convenant. If Lord willing we get there, we ought to help one another press on in the marriage through joys and trials. 

Joy in the Disappointment

I was in an argument with Jose last week over lost keys. Ive seen the ugly in me and its so broken! Ive seen what my own insecurities, need for control, and disappointment can breed. I was completely BLIND to my sin, justifying my poorly behaved selfish wrath and fury. As I am preparing to be a wife for Jose, there is PLENTY to grow in. I am writing this so I can look back the next time Jose and I argue (which I know there will be MORE of!). There will be lots of times he lets me down, his character disappoints me, and Ill just want to give up. Well thank God I will Lord willing soon be in a marriage covenant-the one that shows that's Jesus will never leave his wife (the church)... EVER! There is such a sweet hope in Jesus where I can rest with all my burdens. Two applications to follow once feeling disappointed are to 1. Obey James 1. "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials fof various kinds" AND 2. Obey 1 Thessalonians 5. "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." When I am feeling on the verge of frustration, anger, bitterness, disappointment, I must obey these two commands immediately or as closely as I can by God's grace. Some consequences if I fail to have joy in Christ overflow to the way I communicate with others. In time, Jose may become bitter at me for nagging, or reminding him a mother type figure. Instead I can speak bible verses to him and pray myself before speaking out of emotion. Ahhh such good helpful stuff from my pastor. Hope it's helpful for y'all too!