Pre-Marital Counseling - Sessions 4 & 5

Grace means we can always begin again
I have to remember that marriage is a scary union of two sinners- self obsessed and self centered. I can't expect perfection of him or myself. Be ready with the grace of God for failure, misunderstanding, conflict, tension, and sin. Annoyance. Anger. Promises broken. Forgetfulness. Letting each other down- BE QUICK TO FORGIVE. But because of Jesus sacrifice, were declared righteous in gods sight. We are new creations.

Love- daily thoughtfulness matters more than grand gestures
Study your spouse!!!!! Know what pleases them, annoys them, communicates love and frustration... BUT know that the main reason you hurt your spouse is because you have a sinful and selfish heart. I DO TOO. What move wives want is thoughtfulness, consideration, and anticipation- looking from the other person's perspective and being a step ahead. This looks at the other's interests, wishes, needs, and comforts. JOY is found in service- that it is much much better to give than to receive. This is so important to remember for me- that love covers over a multitude of sins, not that it dismisses sin BUT it forgives it.

Conflict begins when my selfish desires are denied by my spouse OH MY GOODNESS, have I already experienced this!!!! I am soooo selfish!! Our actions always come from the idolatrous thoughts and desires of our hearts (pg 56)I idolize jose or his actions when I demand something from him to satisfy my soul, but only God can satisfy the depths of my soul. This causes frustration when I let idolization take grip of my heart! When my plans are threatened, I react in bitterness, sulking, resentment, complaining, or fighting. Dont idolize marriage!!! Turn constantly to God! Ive fallen into this trap where I let my worth, significance, and identity become dependent on other's acceptance and approval. If I fall into this temptation, I am not free to love them as we should. Learn to not make excuses so we can lower our defenses and pray. Stay away from being sinfully aggressive or passive. Convey biblical truth with humility. In all conflict remember God is GREAT, GLORIOUS, GOOD, AND GRACIOUS.

Reconciliation begins when my selfish desires are denied by me When I address u idolatrous heart I learn that God is the one that matters and not me. I need to ask when do I respond badly (triggers), how do I respond badly, what happens when I act badly, and why do I act badly? My sinful self will first judge the other party and not myself. My heart wages war!! Response 1: Ask God to show you the idolatrous desires that cause your behavior- PRAY FOR WISDOM instead of covering up the deceit and selfish ambition! Response 2: Humble yourself before God. stop exalting yourself. ask God for mercy and to give us grace to change. Response 3: Repent of your desires and behavior. It will set you FREE. instead of festering up inside and spoiling your heart, God promises to lift us up.

Waiting and it Being Totally Worth It!

The wait was tough. Falling was tough. The fight against sin was tough... BUT it was all worth it to enjoy sex in marriage!

Jose and I have been tempted by sexual sin way too often than we are comfortable sharing, but we also know it is necessary for our transformation and hopefully helping others as well. We both have sinned against God- pre marriage with sexual sin. Finding healing and peace in Christ has been some of the best joys. We have been spiritually, emotionally, and physically challenged to trust in the Lord to save us from our chains.

We waited until we were married to consummate. It is glorious. It is fun. It is imperfect yet the best. It is funny. It is beautiful. It is special. It is meaningful. It is sweet. It is loving. It is God glorifying.

Jose and I struggled really hard in the beginning, lusting after one another and having a lack of self control. It was condemning and never fulfilled our needs. We learned about six months in after we began dating how to confess sin. We learned our lack of confession showed a rebellious heart against God and wanting to keep our sin in the dark. Learning how to confess was one of the most freeing things I've learned. I had a group of faithful sisters who showed me grace and pointed me to the gospel every time. They would rebuke me but also point me the sweet taste of freedom with trusting Jesus. We slowly got better and the closer it got to the wedding we had more control to keep our hearts from wandering into lust. :D

In the short short time I have been married, I've been able to see how to make much of God during sex. It was absolutely worth the wait. It was worth it because I got to enjoy it with my husband being the way God designed it.

Ill go into our last counselling session that was all about sex of things that stuck out to me.

Ït's our duty to enjoy marital sex
Passionate. Intimate. Celebration. Cherish. Satisfy. Received with thanksgiving. Sex is Good. On pgs 76-77, Chester writes that "God is designed by God to complete of fulfill or bind together the companionship of marriage."... I love that its at the deepest of levels. We are able to be vulnerable with one another, embracing one another in our nakedness like God embraces His people.

Good sex begins long before you take your clothes off
I loved this chapter the most! More words to describe sex are affectionate, gentle, sacrificial, personal. We give ourselves to our spouse. On pg 83"we make love throughout the day through little act sand words of service." Every communication shows how we value one another. Treasure one another. Serve each other. If it is all about performance- it is damaging rather than loving. We must learn to be humble- to grow as a better lover and serve our spouse and King Jesus.

We get sex wrong because we get God wrong
If we idolize sex more than our spouse then that is a sin and a broken allegiance to God. Dont objectify your spouse- making them a means to have sex or putting my pleasure before Jose's, or having an obsession with spontaneity. Find pleasure in giving pleasure.

Love finds us beautiful and love makes us beautiful
"Our partner cannot possibly hope to measure up to the expectation created in the media" pg 92 Be captivated with your spouse, enjoy them. This is where I need work- to accept I am beautiful in my spouse rather than measuring myself to false images. Inward. Precious. Unfading. This is our Jesus loves His people.

I am continuing to learn how to enjoy Jose, sex, and my Lord in all of it. It has been the most challenging and lovely experience. I am excited how God will grow us through this sweet gift.

5 Ways to Pray for our Wedding/Marriage

1. Pray for our wedding to be hardly about us, but ALL about Jesus.
We are excited to portray the beautiful picture of Jesus's love for His people. Pray us to not be anal, impatient, or angry throughout this week with the many details, questions, and other hooplah. Pray were serving one another rather than serving our selfish ambitions. Pray that we honor God in our words and actions at this wedding and that we are a testimony of God's grace in our lives. Without Him, we can do nothing. We are able to enjoy the gift and meaning of marriage because of Jesus.

2. Pray for my fellow brothers and sisters to be strengthened in the gospel.
For marriages to grow in forgiveness, grace, sacrifice, love and grow in utter dependence on Christ. Pray for those in dating relationships to be encouraged by the forming of the covenant between husband and wife, to pursue holiness, and to build godly character. Pray for our sweet single brothers and sisters to serve the Lord, be patiently prayerful for a spouse, and to seek a greater joy in Christ above all else.

3. Pray for non Christians celebrating and gathering with us for their final salvation.
You could pray for seeds to be planted through the gospel message this Saturday.... Or pray for family and friends to right then and there to begin repenting from their rebellion against God and their sin and to believe the good news. Pray for Family and friends alike, who are coming from all sorts of paths in this lifetime to come to saving faith in Christ alone. Pray for ears to hear, and eyes to be opened. Faith comes by hearing. Let faith come on Saturday.

4. Pray for our upcoming marriage.
Pray for Jose to love, sacrifice, and lead while I submit, am gentle, and am teachable. Pray for us to savor our Lord Jesus always. We need so much prayer- to fight well when disagree, to reconcile quickly and grow in sanctification. Pray that we grow more godly and sharpen one another in the bible. Pray our pride is constantly being killed and we remember we are not enemies. Pray that we remind one another of how good God is, the gospel, forgiveness, and grace. Pray we are growing in the knowledge and grace of Christ

5. Pray for us to make disciples and followers of Jesus.
Pray for us to be intentional with meeting our neighbors and community- serve them in any way possible, invite them over for dinner, and to hang out and go to church. To really live life on life in a gospel centered way, and encourage others who God in all sovereignty places in our lives. Pray for us not to be an introverted marriage- but a marriage who bold for the gospel. Ill stick these last two in too...1. pray for us to be able to have children- and that we are being prepared to raise kids in gospel centered parenting, teaching, and loving :D 2. Pray for us to listen carefully for God's call for us to go overseas to evangelize and church plant :) - and not overseas to Hawaii Mr. Jose!

Thanks everyone<3 Grace and peace!

Bachelorette Weekend

Snapshots of our weekend in Dana Point!

Pre-Marital Counseling - Sessions 2&3

Jose is finally on summer vacation which means I get my laptop back to blog a little more!

Weve had two marriage counseling sessions since I last blogged and its been AWESOME. Jose and I have also fought since that time so its been great to put things were learning into gospel centered reconciliation! Here are a couple of sweet truths I have been learning from reading this book and from PJ and Frances. Pray for us to grow in these areas!

Marriage is an illustration of the relationship of Christ to His people.
God invented marriage to show us how he loves us!"(pg 12)"A husband and wife are covenanted to one another. A lot of my encouragement came from (pg 14). A covenant is a contract with love. The covenant protects love. Lean on the covenant. It gives marriage its framework, context, and protection. It is an echo of God's faithfulness to us. There is a binding promise and loving relationship. We are called to not keep "feeling in love"but to keep "being in love." This was really really comforting for me! When I am unlovable, impossible, stubborn, and bratty- my husband is called to still love me through our covenant.

The purpose of marriage is companionship and partnership in mission
(pg 19) says our greatest need is to love God and to love others. Our task in (pg 20) is to reflect God's glory in the world as His image. There is a partnership of service where Christ is the focus. Knowing this I can grow in knowing how to serve God together at our local church, in our new home, and elsewhere! I also have opportunities to support Jose's service of God whether he is in school, at his job, church, bearing his burdens, praying for him and engaging him in conversation to encourage him.

Find your identity and joy in God rather than in marriage.
Knowing that there will be good and bad times, I have to remember that tough times will bind Jose and me closer together. But our marriage is a display of what is to come. It points to the the marriage of Jesus to His bride in the new Heavens and new earth. What a beautiful illustration. What a love. (pg 100) really hits home in many areas. I am reminded on that I will need to keep working at our marriage, protect it and stick with it! But by all means, it is not ultimate- neither is our spouse or the intimacy. God truly completes, satisfies, and completes us. We were made to know God and enjoy him. To put such high expectations on a person is unrealistic and unfair. Once there is contentment and identity in God, then I will be able to freely enjoy my spouse. :) Please please please friends and family, constantly remind me of this!

Marriage demonstrates that it is good to live under God's reign
We have been deceived by Satn that God's rule is oppressive and manipulative, but REALLY it is a rule of blessing, freedom, love, life, justie and peace. I pray that others will see our marriage and see IT IS GOOD TO LIVE UNDER GOD'S RULE AND REIGN!!!! Reading (pg 25) was a boom moment in my head. His rule was demonstrated oh so perfectly when His Son Jesus died on the cross in my place to bring me freedom from my slavery to sin, self and death! The most perfect example of submission and authority is looking at the Trinity. Jose and I must always remember the Trinity, It must come out of love and sacrifice rather than tyrannical, passive, rejection, and self willed. In practice on (pg 26) he writes "the wife puts her husband's will before her own and the husband puts his wife's interests before his own." Jose will try his best to seek my interests before his own, but I will follow his will and decisions! Please pray for me that I am able to submit to Jose like I ought to Jesus with joy and freedom and not with whining, complaining, nagging, or begrudgingly.

Wives put their husband's will before their own, like the church submits to Christ
Submission does not mean silence nor slavery. It is having a gentle and quiet spirit with a respectful and pure conduct. I enjoyed reading the reminders of what submission was NOT. It is NOT agreeing with everything my husband says, or trying to change him, getting my spiritual strength from him, or acting out of fear. No no no, submission is (pg 32) reinforced with gospel conviction, challenging one another, and speaking truth in love for the sake of Christ and His glory AND for the sake of our spouses and their holiness. He is definitely imperfect and will make mistakes but I am to submit with joy! My allegiance is to Jesus always!!! Pray for me to grow in godly and biblical submission.

As Christ loves the church, husbands put their wife's interests before their own
I LOVED THIS. This spoke right into what I desire in a husband! (pg 37-38) specifically just got me. Having a proactive plan would bless me. Take time to study your wife, to understand her interests. Actively pursue the things that will help your wife blossom and grow. Put her holiness before her happiness. Help her become more like Jesus. To become holy and blameless. Work to become sacrificial, serving, and selfless. Take responsibility to resolve conflict, make decisions in a godly manner, disciple and teach the children. MAN, seriously all beautiful good things. I must PRAY PRAY PRAY this for my husband.

Easter

What a day to celebrate!

I wrote this on my instagram: Jesus Christ, the Son of God died on the cross, taking the penalty for sin that we deserved. He was raised on the third day that we might be declared righteous before God. What a love. What a cost. This is good news!!!!"

It says in Philippians 2: Christ Jesus who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

What a Savior to die for sins (we are ALL sinners and fall short of the glory of the perfect and holy God). Not only would Jesus die for my MULTITUDE of sins (harsh tongue, sexually impure, a liar, one who worships other gods, quick to anger, etc) but He would die for the sins of all of those who would believe in Him. Praying this gospel is being considered by those who read it, and God opens your heart to be inclined to Him. Thankful for Jesus!

How He Proposed

The Proposal :)

A Sweet December

Hello all!

I am writing while being all snuggled up in my blanket. It sure has been cold these last few days but overall, December has been warm!!

Catching you up on a few things.....

Work.... DISASTER. lets just say I pulled my first ever weekend overtime due to a server failure! It was a burden to us all but we carried on! I am thankful we had sweet treats to feast on every day this month and enjoyed gifts given to us by vendors!

Secret Santa- TOTALLY SCORED! Man, I have really really generous friends and future family. lots of thoughtful and undeserved gifts!

Check out this most wonderful video my brother Aaron made of one of the Christmas parties we were apart of. These people I absolutely adore and it was sweet to write encouragements to one another, play games, eat together, and exchange gifts. SO AWESOME!

CHRISTMAS! first time really spending it with joses family and mine. it was crazy, fun, loud, and sweet. I saw a lot of love in the gift giving and in how others wanted to show their appreciation to one another. I was so thankful for a fiance who kept pointing me to Jesus. I sometimes am surrounded by the hulabaloo of gifting and eating and family when really its about JESUS! My fiance put this on his facebook to help my soul!

What I love about the holidays and summer is that friends come home! I got to see many I love for pilates, lunches, bobas and more! It is such a joy!

I got to take a part of old traditions like caroling and my dads company luncheon (SO PROUD!)

On the wedding front, I BOUGHT MY DRESS!!! hooooray!!! I love it, and cant wait to share in about 7 months!!!

Lunches, cantadas, getting to know members at my new church FSBC has helped me grow in trusting God and loving this church!

Grinchmas at Universals was sooooo fun!

Jose and I were Mr and Mrs Claus for a murder mystery. We lost......

alot is better this month and all thanks goes to jesus who continues to be really gracious!

Farewell Crossview Party!

My church had a fun party on Sunday evening to give thanks to the Lord for our time together as a church. Here are some pictures from the party where we ate el pollo loco, watched a slideshow, played games, photoboothed it up, thanked God specifically for one another, and ate dessert. Its becoming all too real that these people who I adore- I will not see them as often as Id like, and there are icky sticky emotions! But God is sovereign and good always. I was glad to have a celebration like this :)

2 Timothy 2

I am cherishing these Sundays with my Crossview Church family. I am writing these blogs to remind me that God speaks through the preaching of God's sovereign word, the gathering of believers, the praying of sinners, and singing of broken yet redeemed people. Here are some things that encouraged me from Sunday's gathering

This text gives us clear pictures of how we are to be faithful to Christ- as a soldier, an athlete, and a farmer.

Verse 9B

"But the word of God is not bound!"

This is so brilliantly uplifting. Although I fail, my God and His word has no end, boundary, or limitation. It runs to ends of the earth, reconciling sinner to God.

Verse 10

"I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory."

I must remember this goal. This ought to be my every moment thinking and the ultimate vision in loving others. Verses 14 and 16

"...not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers."

"But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness..."

Aas a woman and as a sinner- I talk. This is how I more effectively communicate with others. This is where I am prone to sin daily! My heart wanders into nonsense talk, puffing my heart and head up. May this convict me to stop my tongue from falling into this trap.

Verses 22-26

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, table to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

APPLY APPLY APPLY! In a day, or month, or years from now, look back into this blog and hopefully God has given you grace to grow in these areas. Ask accountability for help in this!

One of my favorite parts of the gathering was my church celebrating mine and Jose's engagement. They really have encouraged us the ENTIRE way whether it was by praying, giving wisdom, giving helpful words when we were discouraged, and telling us we were honoring the Lord by moving into this season. It was wonderful to have them rejoice with us. We are thankful.

Super September

I love September. It carries a bit of heat from summer but everyone is looking forward to the cool down part of Fall. Its a month where school begins for some, a new season for others, and I always feel refreshed. Its also my month of birth which is an added bonus! Aside from bday festivities, SF trip, and getting engaged to my bff, heres what went down!

I had coffee with Kim. Weve been doing this once a year since high school!

Dinner with friends to send off our friend Jason to SF for a new season

Cali Adventure with Jess- her first time at cars land!

Acai bowls with Tina!

Times are a-changin with my Crossview Church and Im excited for them. Will blog about that soon.
Line dancing for the first time with new friends!

Celebrating Pawluk and Shelbys engagement at their fancy party!

Having family visitors from SF over for dinner- which we all helped to prepare!

Homemade dinner with friends and lots of laughing
Spending time with Fiona
Favorite tv show time with family!
I am really thankful for these moments that God allows me to share with beautiful people.

Yes Way Jose!

Id like to share OUR story of our sweetly memorable engagement day :) I am thankful when dear friends and family ask but I feel I do not do it justice the 15th or 50th time I explain it - it just gets shorter and shorter every time haha. So, EnJOY!

Prior to this, Jose got my parents blessing, and he threw me off the track with a couple of GOOD LIES. Lets just say, I was paranoid for a day haha.

I started off the afternoon babysitting Ruby's (one of the girls who lied for the sake of this day!) 4 girls! Jose had dropped me off on his way to work. I had gone to school with him earlier straight from our SF trip. It turned out to be a trade off as I thought Ruby was doing a photo shoot for a neighbor's family, but REALLY she was going to help set up our engagement area (she is so crafty!) Jose was waiting for her around the corner as I thought he left much earlier!

Ben (Ruby's husband- also a liar!) was going to take me home afterwards because I was on the way from the place her photo shoot was at. We went to this overlook park, and I said to Ben, "Aw, this is the same place Jose asked me to be his girlfriend." In his calm but excited voice, he replied, "What a coincidence!!!)

I saw this "in the beginning" sign and saw Ruby and Jun- with a camera as well- but didnt think anything of it. Again, I thought this was for the family photo shoot! Ruby stepped to the car, I was going to move to the back, but she came to the window and said calmly, "You should change..." Um, I was in a comfortable black tshirt and shorts because I was babysitting, running around, tutoring, and playing kitchen for two hours! I then turned to Ben- shocked, deceived, and excited because I knew what was going to happen...

I walked out and Jose walked from around the bushes in a long sleeved white dress shirt carrying roses.

And he said, "Im not at work..." He took my hand and we walked passed this sign to a table-recreating our first hang out at Baskin Robins. It was so endearing and nostalgic. While we were eating I looked around to see who was hiding, and sure enough I see two supportive sisters- Kat and Pam (who also were a great help to Jose, creative, and were also LIARS to me!) - giggling/making weird faces.

After we finished eating, we walked up a pathway where there was this creative and beautiful set up of pictures of us throughout our two years of dating. I looked at each of them reminiscing of all of our dates and fun times.

There was a box in the middle on a table and he started to say some sweet things. I have to say, this guy is quite the romantic, but honestly my brain was MUSH i cant remember anything he said haha. It is all a blur!!! He took out a leather bracelet (the ones from Disneyland) and it had sentimental value because I had lost mine with his name on it about a year ago! :( So he showed me the bracelet and it had this special question.

He went on his knee, took out the beautiful ring, and popped the sweet question. I nodded and quietly replied yesssssssssss and there we are :)

Just in one day, we have been OVERWHELMED with the amazing love from our community of family and friends. What a sweet gift from the Lord. We are so thankful. The words around the area he proposed says "Until the Lord calls us home". We are getting ready to join as husband and wife before God and remain together for the rest of our lives until we pass away and are face to face with Jesus. We are so excited!!!!! All glory to God who is good to us in Jesus! We really do welcome your friendship and to share life with us. We could use and invite any wisdom and encouragement. Thanks for your love :)