Pre-Marital Counseling - Sessions 4 & 5

Grace means we can always begin again
I have to remember that marriage is a scary union of two sinners- self obsessed and self centered. I can't expect perfection of him or myself. Be ready with the grace of God for failure, misunderstanding, conflict, tension, and sin. Annoyance. Anger. Promises broken. Forgetfulness. Letting each other down- BE QUICK TO FORGIVE. But because of Jesus sacrifice, were declared righteous in gods sight. We are new creations.

Love- daily thoughtfulness matters more than grand gestures
Study your spouse!!!!! Know what pleases them, annoys them, communicates love and frustration... BUT know that the main reason you hurt your spouse is because you have a sinful and selfish heart. I DO TOO. What move wives want is thoughtfulness, consideration, and anticipation- looking from the other person's perspective and being a step ahead. This looks at the other's interests, wishes, needs, and comforts. JOY is found in service- that it is much much better to give than to receive. This is so important to remember for me- that love covers over a multitude of sins, not that it dismisses sin BUT it forgives it.

Conflict begins when my selfish desires are denied by my spouse OH MY GOODNESS, have I already experienced this!!!! I am soooo selfish!! Our actions always come from the idolatrous thoughts and desires of our hearts (pg 56)I idolize jose or his actions when I demand something from him to satisfy my soul, but only God can satisfy the depths of my soul. This causes frustration when I let idolization take grip of my heart! When my plans are threatened, I react in bitterness, sulking, resentment, complaining, or fighting. Dont idolize marriage!!! Turn constantly to God! Ive fallen into this trap where I let my worth, significance, and identity become dependent on other's acceptance and approval. If I fall into this temptation, I am not free to love them as we should. Learn to not make excuses so we can lower our defenses and pray. Stay away from being sinfully aggressive or passive. Convey biblical truth with humility. In all conflict remember God is GREAT, GLORIOUS, GOOD, AND GRACIOUS.

Reconciliation begins when my selfish desires are denied by me When I address u idolatrous heart I learn that God is the one that matters and not me. I need to ask when do I respond badly (triggers), how do I respond badly, what happens when I act badly, and why do I act badly? My sinful self will first judge the other party and not myself. My heart wages war!! Response 1: Ask God to show you the idolatrous desires that cause your behavior- PRAY FOR WISDOM instead of covering up the deceit and selfish ambition! Response 2: Humble yourself before God. stop exalting yourself. ask God for mercy and to give us grace to change. Response 3: Repent of your desires and behavior. It will set you FREE. instead of festering up inside and spoiling your heart, God promises to lift us up.

Pre-Marital Counseling- Session 1

Jose and I had our first marriage counseling sesh yesterday! Our pastor PJ and his wife- a great sister to me- Frances will be counseling us through 6 sessions. They both are truly a gift from the Lord. We are VERY thankful for these two and we hope and pray our relationship with them will last throughout our marriage! PJ has been my pastor for around 2 years and has been Jose's pastor a little longer than that. We have built a community of trust, transparency, love, and most of all GRACE with one another so we are absolutely comfortable and willing to share :D

This first conversation was an introduction- a little background for each of us. We covered a multitude of things. The ones that stuck out to me included...

1. Family history, relationship with our moms and dads and also with each other's parents. Expectations of one another because of our parents. 

2. Strenths and weakness of our relationship- we were edified when we heard the strengths and laughed when we heard the weaknesses. We dont laugh so much when we fight but we want to grow!!! We love practicing gospel centered reconciliation.

3. Sexual relationships- this one is hard. This included pornography, sex before marriage, etc...

4. Finances. This one can be tricky and were taking the time to see our hearts that we do not hold on too tightly to the ""American dream"" or both of us working to be comfortable. We want Jose to be able to provide. I, although willing to work, want to be a stay at home mama! 

5. Defining love. Putting the other's preferences above your own IN CHRIST! 

 I knew we would tackle more into these topics in our meetings to come. A really encouraging part of the night was picking out possible scriptures that would be preached at our ceremony. We are so excited for our family and friends to hear the gospel. We are more excited about this than anything else at the wedding! What was really humbling was being reminded that this wedding isnt about being unique or better, or about it being "our day" or "all about jose and myself". It really is about Jesus and also about us becoming one and us joining many many others who are married. It is about celebrating what is common. This good gift of marriage is a wonderful gift from God and we ought to rejoice that we like many others are in a convenant. If Lord willing we get there, we ought to help one another press on in the marriage through joys and trials.