I have to remember that marriage is a scary union of two sinners- self obsessed and self centered. I can't expect perfection of him or myself. Be ready with the grace of God for failure, misunderstanding, conflict, tension, and sin. Annoyance. Anger. Promises broken. Forgetfulness. Letting each other down- BE QUICK TO FORGIVE. But because of Jesus sacrifice, were declared righteous in gods sight. We are new creations.
Love- daily thoughtfulness matters more than grand gestures
Study your spouse!!!!! Know what pleases them, annoys them, communicates love and frustration... BUT know that the main reason you hurt your spouse is because you have a sinful and selfish heart. I DO TOO. What move wives want is thoughtfulness, consideration, and anticipation- looking from the other person's perspective and being a step ahead. This looks at the other's interests, wishes, needs, and comforts. JOY is found in service- that it is much much better to give than to receive. This is so important to remember for me- that love covers over a multitude of sins, not that it dismisses sin BUT it forgives it.
Conflict begins when my selfish desires are denied by my spouse OH MY GOODNESS, have I already experienced this!!!! I am soooo selfish!! Our actions always come from the idolatrous thoughts and desires of our hearts (pg 56)I idolize jose or his actions when I demand something from him to satisfy my soul, but only God can satisfy the depths of my soul. This causes frustration when I let idolization take grip of my heart! When my plans are threatened, I react in bitterness, sulking, resentment, complaining, or fighting. Dont idolize marriage!!! Turn constantly to God! Ive fallen into this trap where I let my worth, significance, and identity become dependent on other's acceptance and approval. If I fall into this temptation, I am not free to love them as we should. Learn to not make excuses so we can lower our defenses and pray. Stay away from being sinfully aggressive or passive. Convey biblical truth with humility. In all conflict remember God is GREAT, GLORIOUS, GOOD, AND GRACIOUS.
Reconciliation begins when my selfish desires are denied by me When I address u idolatrous heart I learn that God is the one that matters and not me. I need to ask when do I respond badly (triggers), how do I respond badly, what happens when I act badly, and why do I act badly? My sinful self will first judge the other party and not myself. My heart wages war!! Response 1: Ask God to show you the idolatrous desires that cause your behavior- PRAY FOR WISDOM instead of covering up the deceit and selfish ambition! Response 2: Humble yourself before God. stop exalting yourself. ask God for mercy and to give us grace to change. Response 3: Repent of your desires and behavior. It will set you FREE. instead of festering up inside and spoiling your heart, God promises to lift us up.
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