Pre-Marital Counseling - Sessions 4 & 5

Grace means we can always begin again
I have to remember that marriage is a scary union of two sinners- self obsessed and self centered. I can't expect perfection of him or myself. Be ready with the grace of God for failure, misunderstanding, conflict, tension, and sin. Annoyance. Anger. Promises broken. Forgetfulness. Letting each other down- BE QUICK TO FORGIVE. But because of Jesus sacrifice, were declared righteous in gods sight. We are new creations.

Love- daily thoughtfulness matters more than grand gestures
Study your spouse!!!!! Know what pleases them, annoys them, communicates love and frustration... BUT know that the main reason you hurt your spouse is because you have a sinful and selfish heart. I DO TOO. What move wives want is thoughtfulness, consideration, and anticipation- looking from the other person's perspective and being a step ahead. This looks at the other's interests, wishes, needs, and comforts. JOY is found in service- that it is much much better to give than to receive. This is so important to remember for me- that love covers over a multitude of sins, not that it dismisses sin BUT it forgives it.

Conflict begins when my selfish desires are denied by my spouse OH MY GOODNESS, have I already experienced this!!!! I am soooo selfish!! Our actions always come from the idolatrous thoughts and desires of our hearts (pg 56)I idolize jose or his actions when I demand something from him to satisfy my soul, but only God can satisfy the depths of my soul. This causes frustration when I let idolization take grip of my heart! When my plans are threatened, I react in bitterness, sulking, resentment, complaining, or fighting. Dont idolize marriage!!! Turn constantly to God! Ive fallen into this trap where I let my worth, significance, and identity become dependent on other's acceptance and approval. If I fall into this temptation, I am not free to love them as we should. Learn to not make excuses so we can lower our defenses and pray. Stay away from being sinfully aggressive or passive. Convey biblical truth with humility. In all conflict remember God is GREAT, GLORIOUS, GOOD, AND GRACIOUS.

Reconciliation begins when my selfish desires are denied by me When I address u idolatrous heart I learn that God is the one that matters and not me. I need to ask when do I respond badly (triggers), how do I respond badly, what happens when I act badly, and why do I act badly? My sinful self will first judge the other party and not myself. My heart wages war!! Response 1: Ask God to show you the idolatrous desires that cause your behavior- PRAY FOR WISDOM instead of covering up the deceit and selfish ambition! Response 2: Humble yourself before God. stop exalting yourself. ask God for mercy and to give us grace to change. Response 3: Repent of your desires and behavior. It will set you FREE. instead of festering up inside and spoiling your heart, God promises to lift us up.

Waiting and it Being Totally Worth It!

The wait was tough. Falling was tough. The fight against sin was tough... BUT it was all worth it to enjoy sex in marriage!

Jose and I have been tempted by sexual sin way too often than we are comfortable sharing, but we also know it is necessary for our transformation and hopefully helping others as well. We both have sinned against God- pre marriage with sexual sin. Finding healing and peace in Christ has been some of the best joys. We have been spiritually, emotionally, and physically challenged to trust in the Lord to save us from our chains.

We waited until we were married to consummate. It is glorious. It is fun. It is imperfect yet the best. It is funny. It is beautiful. It is special. It is meaningful. It is sweet. It is loving. It is God glorifying.

Jose and I struggled really hard in the beginning, lusting after one another and having a lack of self control. It was condemning and never fulfilled our needs. We learned about six months in after we began dating how to confess sin. We learned our lack of confession showed a rebellious heart against God and wanting to keep our sin in the dark. Learning how to confess was one of the most freeing things I've learned. I had a group of faithful sisters who showed me grace and pointed me to the gospel every time. They would rebuke me but also point me the sweet taste of freedom with trusting Jesus. We slowly got better and the closer it got to the wedding we had more control to keep our hearts from wandering into lust. :D

In the short short time I have been married, I've been able to see how to make much of God during sex. It was absolutely worth the wait. It was worth it because I got to enjoy it with my husband being the way God designed it.

Ill go into our last counselling session that was all about sex of things that stuck out to me.

Ït's our duty to enjoy marital sex
Passionate. Intimate. Celebration. Cherish. Satisfy. Received with thanksgiving. Sex is Good. On pgs 76-77, Chester writes that "God is designed by God to complete of fulfill or bind together the companionship of marriage."... I love that its at the deepest of levels. We are able to be vulnerable with one another, embracing one another in our nakedness like God embraces His people.

Good sex begins long before you take your clothes off
I loved this chapter the most! More words to describe sex are affectionate, gentle, sacrificial, personal. We give ourselves to our spouse. On pg 83"we make love throughout the day through little act sand words of service." Every communication shows how we value one another. Treasure one another. Serve each other. If it is all about performance- it is damaging rather than loving. We must learn to be humble- to grow as a better lover and serve our spouse and King Jesus.

We get sex wrong because we get God wrong
If we idolize sex more than our spouse then that is a sin and a broken allegiance to God. Dont objectify your spouse- making them a means to have sex or putting my pleasure before Jose's, or having an obsession with spontaneity. Find pleasure in giving pleasure.

Love finds us beautiful and love makes us beautiful
"Our partner cannot possibly hope to measure up to the expectation created in the media" pg 92 Be captivated with your spouse, enjoy them. This is where I need work- to accept I am beautiful in my spouse rather than measuring myself to false images. Inward. Precious. Unfading. This is our Jesus loves His people.

I am continuing to learn how to enjoy Jose, sex, and my Lord in all of it. It has been the most challenging and lovely experience. I am excited how God will grow us through this sweet gift.