Marriage is Hard Too

In these 3 months I get the oh so popular question: "How's married life?!"

I love it because I get to answer it and I am pretty real with my answer. Its super awesome, sweet, the best, intimate, and special. BUT its soooooo hard too.

Im a sinner. I have MAJOR control issues. I want people to react a certain way, speak a certain way depending on how I treat them. So you could imagine how hard I am on Jose sometimes. When I lose control, I dont speak kindly, and am quick to anger. I am emotional so I cry easily. I am irrational and defensive. I am selfish and can shut down. I am a brat and have no trouble remaining one when remaining prideful. Its terrible. Marriage reveals a lot more of it as our lives are learning to mesh together.

All these things are being revealed the more I dont enjoy the Lord. My hope is that as I grow utterly depending on Christ alone, He can help me grow in holiness and fruits of the spirit. I need Him lots and lots.

Our Wedding Video!

Enjoy!

Pastores Wedding

Our wedding was memorable, fun, crazy, loving, and WET!

I laugh now about the madness with my wedding bouquet getting stolen, watching dear friends and family take away decorations from the pouring rain, cameras going on the fritz, everyone having to squeeze and stand inside the hall, and everything just darn going out of our control, but I tell you.... it was a most special day and Jesus I hope was indeed magnified.

The Rehearsal
Weather was perfect. Setup was quick and smooth. Cranes, paper decorations, and lanterns were hung. Music sounded lovely. Kitchen was prepared. Our pastor was helpful in preparing us for the ceremony outline. Helping hands were very much appreciated. Our wedding party was ready to go. My family and friends were running around doing last minute touches. We were a bit paranoid about the sprinklers going off to get the cranes wet, but little did we know that would be the least of our problems :p

Getting Ready
I made sure I slept early by midnight- but I still woke up at 5 am! I whispered- Im getting married today! But my sister told me to go back to sleep. When I knew others were awake a couple hours later- I shouted "IM GETTING MARRIED TODAY!!" I checked my phone and saw that it would be 70% rain... and I just thought... ITS OKAY! Two of my bridesmaids got us all coffee and breakfast. My friend Sarah did my hair impeccably and my friend natalie did my makeup beautifully! I could feel it getting more real when the camera crew came in- our friend Louie and Jon did videography and Reese did photography. Our friend Jason came in with a laptop and it was a compilation of videos from dearest girlfriends, family, and jose. It made me cry all hard!!!! We left in stealth to hide me from jose (my bouquet got stolen in the mean time haha) and we headed towards the venue!! I was a bit quiet but on the way there, there were girls handing out sunflowers if you honked just for the fun of it! It was darling. We arrived at the venue and it was GORGEOUS. Friends and family arrived earlier that day and set everything up. It was bright and sunny and I got to see everything as we envisioned it, and it was just darn lovely. My heart was overwhelmed with thanksgiving for the helping hands that were behind the scenes. The tables, the decorations, the signs and seating chart. It was perfect. As we continued to take pictures at the venue, it slowly began to pour down. I was taking pictures with my bridesmaids and I could see from the corner of my eye other friends and family run outside to take all the decorations back in so it wouldn't get soaked. Secretly I had hoped it would just stop raining before the ceremony so things could be brought back out. But God had other plans! It rained and we had a decision to make whether to bring the ceremony into a sanctuary. I still hadnt seen Jose at this point and we held hands talking with a door between us and I just said you know what, lets just do it outside! If everyone is here and is willing in their ponchos and umbrellas, lets get married in the rain! Everyone had kept me in a happy bubble and there were moving parts without my knowledge to just make things happen! Bridesmaids and family and guests were just so warm and joyful for this day. It was great! We prayed together and continued on with our day!

The Ceremony
I was most blessed by this hour. What a special hour. I walked down the aisle which was absolutely a treat for me to be so close to my daddy. Knowing he was giving me away to Jose whom he would have to trust his daughter with was so sentimental. We walked down in the rain, and I tried to smile and glance at as many people as I could, I didnt look at Jose until the very end of the aisle, and there my beautiful husband to be stood. We were called to worship our God and PJ declared the purpose of our marriage which was "to join together jose and i in holy matrimony... commended in God's word to be honorable among all.... not entered into hastily but reverntly, carefully, thoughtfully, soberly, and in the FEAR of GOD". PJ then asked the question of intent that we would live together in Christian marriage. Jose would love me, give himself up for me, comfort me, honor me in sickness and health, keeping only unto me. I would in return submit to him, serve him, honor him, and keep only unto him. We then continued to sing to the Lord for his goodness and I think a lot of guests especially liked the lyrics from the song Cornerstone... "through the storm, He is Lord... Lord of all!" We sang as it rained on us and the speakers were going in and out of tune. We sang loudly and with great thanks because He continued to be gracious in the rain. We read two different scriptures to remind us all of the meaning of marriage. We continued to listen carefully to PJ as he spoke to us from God's word. His main points:
1. what you must do in your marriage is- get on the same page, dont act in rivalry (manipulators or negotiators), consider the other more important, transform your interests to be fully integrated with your spouse.
2. Why We Cant Do It- We live in a cursed world where there is mass confusion on what marriage is today. Divorce, Porn. Intimacy outside marriage. Dissolution of meaningful marriage against us. Our spouse is sinful. Im sinful. Were selfish. We havent received our resurrected body yet.
3. There's someone who did!!!!- Jesus humbled himself, united to his people, didnt act in rivalry. An encouragement to Jose- Jesus loved his wife and did everything for his good. He sacrificed himself for her and washed her with the Word for her holiness. An encouragement to me- Jesus submitted himself to the headship and leadership of the Father even when he really desired another way. He trusted the Father. Submission is not a death sentence, it is an opportunity that leads to God himself. 4. Now you can- because Jesus forgives you of your failure and promises to empower you by His holy spirit to grow as husband and wife.
The gospel was then shared- reminding us that we are all slaves of SOMETHING- whether thats money, power, approval, healthy, physical appearance, family, physical intimacy. We are restricted by our priorities. Christians have Jesus. The kindest master who gave his life for His people and saves them from God's judgement.
We then proceeded to exchange vows. We would take each other for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and serve til death. We exchanged rings and did the sand ceremony which was hilarious. We didnt have enough sand so we just poured it as slowly as possible which filled the frame half way. We fake signed our marriage certificate as it was previously signed :p We were then pronounced husband and wife and we kissed. It was so sweet. HOORAY AND CHEERS!!!!

The Reception
The biggest blur of all. We had trouble taking pictures because people were scattered. Cameras were on the fritz from the rain. Chaos resumed. Seating chart was of no use because guests could no longer sit outside. 300 people were standing in a hall. I felt bad because people wouldnt be able to have seats and enjoy eating in a calmer environment. People would leave Im sure because it was just madness! We were taking pictures. I sent our MC to start serving dinner. We entered. We did our first dance. We ate our food all fast. We split up to say hi to as many people as we could. We danced with our parents. We had awesome speeches. Joses mama was so so sweet. She gave me a ring and bracelet. My mom continued to embarrass of me of how much trouble I was for 5 minutes. It was grande. I could see Marks love for Jose as he recalled their friendship. My sisters speech was my FAV. She is such a great speaker capturing our relationship, humor, and boldness all at once. Then a flash mob dance proceeded to an earth wind and fire song! It was so fun!!!!! We cut cake, I tossed my bouquet and it was hilarious seeing Jose throw a basketball to the single men. We danced. We took pictures in the photobooth with the brilliant and fun props my sister and her friends made. It was just a bunch of fun in the chaos. I was thankful for everyone who celebrated that night with us.

Sure there were lots of things that didnt go accordingly to plan. I spent lots of time and honestly money on things that ended up being left behind. But for reals, GOD IS SO GOOD. I cant imagine doing it again, or remaining bitter that I didnt have a dream wedding. God saving me from my sin and my depravity is what is glorious. The gospel being told to others that is the backbone of our marriage is what matters. Me being able to enter into covenant with a man I never deserved is a dream!!! God is always good, and that day is fleeting. The marriage is until one of us dies, and our time with God is FOREVER and ETERNAL. Gods name being proclaimed matters. Us making much of Christ is all that I could have ever hoped for. Thank you Jesus for an amazing day celebrated with people we love so dearly. <3

Our Honeymoon in the Bahamas

We came back from our trip from the Bahamas!!!!

We traveled the night after our wedding which gave us time to pack and visit our families as newly weds.

Jose and I are totally a mixture of homebodies and adventurers. Half of our trip was spent gallivanting around the islands in the waters and half of our trip was spend inside resting and recovering!

We ate a bit of everything here- mexican, chinese, bahamian, japanese, italian, and american food.

We were most satisfied with this place called cafe matisse. It was an italian place with a romantic ambiance being outside and candlelit. The food was just so flavorful and beautiful.

We also enjoyed eating at ichiban where the sushi and conch fritters were perfectly seasoned.

Here were other foods we were able to enjoy!
We drank our fair share of drinks- mango, banana, pina colada daiquiris, bahama mamas, margaritas!

We visited lots of places including the
Queens Staircase

The French Cloisters

Blue Lagoon Island

our beach right outside the Hotel

but pretty sure our favorite place was Atlantis!!! This place was killing me with the amazing water rides. The aquariums were neat as well.

The best part for us was staying inside when we needed rest and taking long naps, watching netflix, reading together, singing songs to the Lord, praying, talking and the cuddling. It is so nice to do that with my husband, with the one I am covenanted to, and is my favorite earthly treasure. I am so thankful to have a husband to enjoy the Lord with me :D

Pre-Marital Counseling - Sessions 4 & 5

Grace means we can always begin again
I have to remember that marriage is a scary union of two sinners- self obsessed and self centered. I can't expect perfection of him or myself. Be ready with the grace of God for failure, misunderstanding, conflict, tension, and sin. Annoyance. Anger. Promises broken. Forgetfulness. Letting each other down- BE QUICK TO FORGIVE. But because of Jesus sacrifice, were declared righteous in gods sight. We are new creations.

Love- daily thoughtfulness matters more than grand gestures
Study your spouse!!!!! Know what pleases them, annoys them, communicates love and frustration... BUT know that the main reason you hurt your spouse is because you have a sinful and selfish heart. I DO TOO. What move wives want is thoughtfulness, consideration, and anticipation- looking from the other person's perspective and being a step ahead. This looks at the other's interests, wishes, needs, and comforts. JOY is found in service- that it is much much better to give than to receive. This is so important to remember for me- that love covers over a multitude of sins, not that it dismisses sin BUT it forgives it.

Conflict begins when my selfish desires are denied by my spouse OH MY GOODNESS, have I already experienced this!!!! I am soooo selfish!! Our actions always come from the idolatrous thoughts and desires of our hearts (pg 56)I idolize jose or his actions when I demand something from him to satisfy my soul, but only God can satisfy the depths of my soul. This causes frustration when I let idolization take grip of my heart! When my plans are threatened, I react in bitterness, sulking, resentment, complaining, or fighting. Dont idolize marriage!!! Turn constantly to God! Ive fallen into this trap where I let my worth, significance, and identity become dependent on other's acceptance and approval. If I fall into this temptation, I am not free to love them as we should. Learn to not make excuses so we can lower our defenses and pray. Stay away from being sinfully aggressive or passive. Convey biblical truth with humility. In all conflict remember God is GREAT, GLORIOUS, GOOD, AND GRACIOUS.

Reconciliation begins when my selfish desires are denied by me When I address u idolatrous heart I learn that God is the one that matters and not me. I need to ask when do I respond badly (triggers), how do I respond badly, what happens when I act badly, and why do I act badly? My sinful self will first judge the other party and not myself. My heart wages war!! Response 1: Ask God to show you the idolatrous desires that cause your behavior- PRAY FOR WISDOM instead of covering up the deceit and selfish ambition! Response 2: Humble yourself before God. stop exalting yourself. ask God for mercy and to give us grace to change. Response 3: Repent of your desires and behavior. It will set you FREE. instead of festering up inside and spoiling your heart, God promises to lift us up.

Waiting and it Being Totally Worth It!

The wait was tough. Falling was tough. The fight against sin was tough... BUT it was all worth it to enjoy sex in marriage!

Jose and I have been tempted by sexual sin way too often than we are comfortable sharing, but we also know it is necessary for our transformation and hopefully helping others as well. We both have sinned against God- pre marriage with sexual sin. Finding healing and peace in Christ has been some of the best joys. We have been spiritually, emotionally, and physically challenged to trust in the Lord to save us from our chains.

We waited until we were married to consummate. It is glorious. It is fun. It is imperfect yet the best. It is funny. It is beautiful. It is special. It is meaningful. It is sweet. It is loving. It is God glorifying.

Jose and I struggled really hard in the beginning, lusting after one another and having a lack of self control. It was condemning and never fulfilled our needs. We learned about six months in after we began dating how to confess sin. We learned our lack of confession showed a rebellious heart against God and wanting to keep our sin in the dark. Learning how to confess was one of the most freeing things I've learned. I had a group of faithful sisters who showed me grace and pointed me to the gospel every time. They would rebuke me but also point me the sweet taste of freedom with trusting Jesus. We slowly got better and the closer it got to the wedding we had more control to keep our hearts from wandering into lust. :D

In the short short time I have been married, I've been able to see how to make much of God during sex. It was absolutely worth the wait. It was worth it because I got to enjoy it with my husband being the way God designed it.

Ill go into our last counselling session that was all about sex of things that stuck out to me.

Ït's our duty to enjoy marital sex
Passionate. Intimate. Celebration. Cherish. Satisfy. Received with thanksgiving. Sex is Good. On pgs 76-77, Chester writes that "God is designed by God to complete of fulfill or bind together the companionship of marriage."... I love that its at the deepest of levels. We are able to be vulnerable with one another, embracing one another in our nakedness like God embraces His people.

Good sex begins long before you take your clothes off
I loved this chapter the most! More words to describe sex are affectionate, gentle, sacrificial, personal. We give ourselves to our spouse. On pg 83"we make love throughout the day through little act sand words of service." Every communication shows how we value one another. Treasure one another. Serve each other. If it is all about performance- it is damaging rather than loving. We must learn to be humble- to grow as a better lover and serve our spouse and King Jesus.

We get sex wrong because we get God wrong
If we idolize sex more than our spouse then that is a sin and a broken allegiance to God. Dont objectify your spouse- making them a means to have sex or putting my pleasure before Jose's, or having an obsession with spontaneity. Find pleasure in giving pleasure.

Love finds us beautiful and love makes us beautiful
"Our partner cannot possibly hope to measure up to the expectation created in the media" pg 92 Be captivated with your spouse, enjoy them. This is where I need work- to accept I am beautiful in my spouse rather than measuring myself to false images. Inward. Precious. Unfading. This is our Jesus loves His people.

I am continuing to learn how to enjoy Jose, sex, and my Lord in all of it. It has been the most challenging and lovely experience. I am excited how God will grow us through this sweet gift.

5 Ways to Pray for our Wedding/Marriage

1. Pray for our wedding to be hardly about us, but ALL about Jesus.
We are excited to portray the beautiful picture of Jesus's love for His people. Pray us to not be anal, impatient, or angry throughout this week with the many details, questions, and other hooplah. Pray were serving one another rather than serving our selfish ambitions. Pray that we honor God in our words and actions at this wedding and that we are a testimony of God's grace in our lives. Without Him, we can do nothing. We are able to enjoy the gift and meaning of marriage because of Jesus.

2. Pray for my fellow brothers and sisters to be strengthened in the gospel.
For marriages to grow in forgiveness, grace, sacrifice, love and grow in utter dependence on Christ. Pray for those in dating relationships to be encouraged by the forming of the covenant between husband and wife, to pursue holiness, and to build godly character. Pray for our sweet single brothers and sisters to serve the Lord, be patiently prayerful for a spouse, and to seek a greater joy in Christ above all else.

3. Pray for non Christians celebrating and gathering with us for their final salvation.
You could pray for seeds to be planted through the gospel message this Saturday.... Or pray for family and friends to right then and there to begin repenting from their rebellion against God and their sin and to believe the good news. Pray for Family and friends alike, who are coming from all sorts of paths in this lifetime to come to saving faith in Christ alone. Pray for ears to hear, and eyes to be opened. Faith comes by hearing. Let faith come on Saturday.

4. Pray for our upcoming marriage.
Pray for Jose to love, sacrifice, and lead while I submit, am gentle, and am teachable. Pray for us to savor our Lord Jesus always. We need so much prayer- to fight well when disagree, to reconcile quickly and grow in sanctification. Pray that we grow more godly and sharpen one another in the bible. Pray our pride is constantly being killed and we remember we are not enemies. Pray that we remind one another of how good God is, the gospel, forgiveness, and grace. Pray we are growing in the knowledge and grace of Christ

5. Pray for us to make disciples and followers of Jesus.
Pray for us to be intentional with meeting our neighbors and community- serve them in any way possible, invite them over for dinner, and to hang out and go to church. To really live life on life in a gospel centered way, and encourage others who God in all sovereignty places in our lives. Pray for us not to be an introverted marriage- but a marriage who bold for the gospel. Ill stick these last two in too...1. pray for us to be able to have children- and that we are being prepared to raise kids in gospel centered parenting, teaching, and loving :D 2. Pray for us to listen carefully for God's call for us to go overseas to evangelize and church plant :) - and not overseas to Hawaii Mr. Jose!

Thanks everyone<3 Grace and peace!